598. Commodification And Delayed Gratification
This continues entry 597.
When one partner of an egalitarian, bonded and caring couple expresses a wish to the other partner, this is based upon the realistic expectation and trust, that the partner is motivated to gratify the wish, if and when it is possible at any unspecified time in the future.
This continues entry 597.
When one partner of an egalitarian, bonded and caring couple expresses a wish to the other partner, this is based upon the realistic expectation and trust, that the partner is motivated to gratify the wish, if and when it is possible at any unspecified time in the future.
This includes the awareness, that the partner has a mental to do list, where the wish gets a place according to the urgency, priority and circumstances of all the other list items. The delayed gratification is trusted to be available without any exertion of control or power.
When a man commodifies a woman, the situation is very different. A man using a utility like a vacuum cleaner expects a simple dichotomy: The machine either functions immediately after pressing the button or not at all, in which case it is broken. Even programmable appliances like a video recorder are under his full control, they start to function at exactly the time, which he has determined and can thus predict.
When a man commodifies a woman, the situation is very different. A man using a utility like a vacuum cleaner expects a simple dichotomy: The machine either functions immediately after pressing the button or not at all, in which case it is broken. Even programmable appliances like a video recorder are under his full control, they start to function at exactly the time, which he has determined and can thus predict.
The commodifying man expects the same dichotomy also from the woman, whom he confounds with a utility:
When he demands something from a woman, he expects her immediate compliance. If she intends to gratify his wish but with a delay, he automatically misinterprets this as a complete refusal and experiences her as dysfunctional. By confounding her with a utility, he is unable to appreciate her as a person with an own mind. He neither trusts to get anything from her without having full control nor does he consider her able to accept his wish and gratify it later.
He confounds the delay of gratification with a complete refusal and reacts with pressure upon her. He is oblivious, that she would comply immediately, were this feasible. Pressure does not make it any more feasible, therefore the pressure achieves nothing. The motivation to do favors for the trusting and patient partner are an ingredient of a caring relationship.
When he demands something from a woman, he expects her immediate compliance. If she intends to gratify his wish but with a delay, he automatically misinterprets this as a complete refusal and experiences her as dysfunctional. By confounding her with a utility, he is unable to appreciate her as a person with an own mind. He neither trusts to get anything from her without having full control nor does he consider her able to accept his wish and gratify it later.
He confounds the delay of gratification with a complete refusal and reacts with pressure upon her. He is oblivious, that she would comply immediately, were this feasible. Pressure does not make it any more feasible, therefore the pressure achieves nothing. The motivation to do favors for the trusting and patient partner are an ingredient of a caring relationship.
Reacting with pressure upon an only alleged refusal destroys her motivation to gratify his wishes. By using pressure he earns a real refusal and gets less than what he would get with patience and trust. Pressure deteriorates the relationship.
